Christopher Grame

sweating like a slave.

2005-10-05T02:12:00.000-07:00

My girlfriends room is like a damn sauna right now. The fan is on, my clothes are off and the powder has been applied yet it is still dreadfully hot. It's been a while since I posted on here but It's because a weird series of events that happened quite quickly. First off I was noticing how very bored my week was going to be because the high school would be closed all week. Now I know it sounds wierd to actually miss school but the truth is school keeps me on a good eating routin and takes up just enough time for me not to be bored out of my mind.

So Joanna called me and we started talking about how much we miss eachother and blah blah. Out of nowhere the idea of her coming to Long Island to pick me up came about. I liked the idea too but the money situation was tight. Another idea arose, how bout going to Staten Island by way of public transportation? If it wasn't for the 200 lb bag that I had to lug around the city with me I'd say it went pretty well. Here is what needs to be done in order to get from Long Island to Staten Island. Long Island Rail Road(6.75 one way) - 1 train - South Ferry - Staten Island. It takes about an estimated hour and a half to two hours or maybe it just felt that long. I ran into someone that I had met off of the internet and we hung out for the train ride to the city which turned out to be pretty cool. Either way it was a fun adventure for me because I hardly ever travel alone.

The Outwars site is down due to err...complications. Ok I admit it, I screwed it up! It's php and that's not something I know so you can't really blaime me. Untill the guy who bought the domain fixes it there is nothing we can do. There has been a million Ideas going through my mind ever since the site went down. Some of these ideas include a Promotion Video, a Tutorial Video and a back-up website. After talking to some people plans began to get into motion. I designed a layout that I'm extremely happy with. I doubt many people will like it but it just strikes me as something I should be very proud of. The design is almost complete...well it is pretty much complete except for a few minor changes that might take place. The next steps would be:

1. code the website
2. find someone to write up guides/tutorials ect.
3. get video software to create the promo and tutorial videos
4. create forums

Counter-Strike is finally working properly on Joannas computer. It could just be a lucky night or it has finally stopped lagging so bad. I had to stop myself from playing any longer before because I got so mad I let slip a "roar" so to speak. Video Games really know how to press my buttons. The good thing is that I've been holding my temper a tad bit better than I would have in the past. It's nothing special but it's a start. Joanna said she would traid computers with me so that I can play CS for a few weeks on a cable modem. At first the idea seemed to be pretty tempting but now that I see what happens to me I will have to resist!

Dieting is going pretty well except for the fact that my weight just jumps around now. I have this 4 pound area that I just stay in and it's extremely irksome. Maybe it's because of me being sick for the pask week. Who knows? Anyways my eyes are starting to hurt again with this brilliant bubble gum pink that Joanna has on her computer screen so...untill next time!

P.S. gAIM (the messanger program) sucks! I was completely wrong about trillian. It was so good that buying trillian pro seems like a good idea. By buying I mean cracking, haha jk...lol.

quick update

2005-10-02T01:25:00.000-07:00

this will probably be the shortest post I ever make but I feel that I should make it anyways. I just got back from 3 hours of counter-strike and I didn't really make any progress towards being a "good sport". lol it's a lot harder then it seems. anyways I'm going to mess around on here for a while and maybe play some Lockdown before I hit the bed.

sore loser, poor loser, no one wants to be a loser

2005-10-01T14:57:00.000-07:00

losing has always been a big part of my life and I don't know why. I always feel this great blow to my pride/self esteem when I lose. don't get me wrong I don't do it on purpose. If you were to bang your toe into the wall would you not get mad, angry or upset? of course you would it's just an instinct. well that's exactly what happens the moment I lose. I noticed that a few of my friends have that same exact problem as well and it pisses me off when they act that way so I can just imagine what it is like seeing me get pissed about losing. lmao you wouldn't believe some of the shit one of my friends says to me when he dies in halo 2. he goes "dude you didn't kill the guy fast enough!" ummm yeah, you died because I WASN'T PROTECTING YOU! lmao. oh boy I mean being a sore loser is one thing but blaiming me for not killing a guy fast enough that I didn't even know was after you? psh oh well I've done things like that before as well so I can't completely hate but at the same time it really gets me going. so what is there to do? I can't be like this forever because I'll only end up in a back alley brawl over a game of cards or something, haha. I looked up some tips to accept losing a little bit more gracefully and here are some of them.

Here are 7 tips to help you succeed.

Confront your behavior.
Kids aren't born poor losers, so ask yourself where is your kid learning this behavior? Are you modeling good sportsmanship? Do you make excuses for your own difficulties? Blame your boss when something goes wrong? Yell at the coach? Criticize your kid's teachers in front of them? Your kid is watching. What can you do to be better example of good sportsmanship for your kid?
Call "foul" on your kid on the first hint of losing attitude.
Each and every time your kid shows that bad attitude (he makes an excuse, blames others, can't accept criticism, boos, criticizes the teacher, coach, sibling), call him on it. Let him know plain and simple that kind of attitude isn't going to be tolerated any more. If he exhibits a losing attitude with others, take him aside and tell him what you noticed: "I heard you criticizing the teacher for your mistake," "You were fighting with the coach." or "You blamed all your teammates."
"Red card" any uncivil, aggressive behavior.
Spell out your expectations: if your kid displays bad sportsmanlike behavior again, he will leave the game (play group, scout meeting, or whatever) on the spot or apologize. Your child has to recognize that he must be considerate of other people's feelings, and if he is not, he just simply may not participate. And if your child does display any aggressive, insulting, or rude behavior that goes over your line-such as booing, hitting, or cheating -- remove him from the activity.
Emphasize good sportsmanship.
Some families have a personal motto that represents good sportsmanship: "It doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's how you play the game." "If you can't play nicely, you don't play," "Winning isn't everything." You might choose your family's favorite, hang up a few posters on the fridge, and repeat it again and again until kids can recite it without reminders.
Find teachable moments to show the right way to handle defeat.
Kids need to learn that everyone suffers defeat, but there is a right (and wrong) way to handle setbacks. And the best lessons are those teachable moments. Use them: While watching the Olympics, a quiz or even a reality TV show, say, "There's only going to be one winner. Let's watch to see what the losers do. See-they're shaking hands with their opponents." Or "That was a tough competition. Did you notice how some of the kids acted who lost? They were complaining the event wasn't fair. They sure didn't act like good sports."
Teach your child to encourage her teammates.
Good sports and good losers support and encourage each other. One way to help your kid be more encouraging is to teach the "two praise rule." It's simple: you must praise your peers at least twice before the event ends. Help your kid think of a few encouraging comments-for example, "Great job!", "Super answer!" "Amazing play!" Then suggest he practice the rule at any group activity.
Teach how to lose gracefully
Not everyone can win; so we need to teach our kids how to accept victory as well as defeat--and do so gracefully. If we don't, our kids won't know how to handle their loss and because they lack that skill, they often look like poor losers. Here are a few ways to help fail with poise.
- Help your child learn a statement to say to herself to bounce back from defeat: "Nobody's perfect." "I can turn this around." "I can handle this." Then help your kid practice saying the statement out loud again and again until she can remember to use it on her own.
- Show how you cope with defeat, so your kid can model your example. Here's the formula: "My mistake was." "I learn..from my mistake." Example: "I had to redo a whole report today because I forgot to save the document on my hard drive. Next time, I'll save as I go along."
- Create a phrase together your child can say when he suffers defeat so she sounds like a graceful loser-for example: "Good race!" "That was close." "Let's try again tomorrow." "Wow, I'm impressed." Help him practice it at home so he can confidently say it to peers.
- Dust off the checker boards or Candyland games and hold Family Game Nights. It's a great way to help kids learn the rules of good sportsmanship. So model them as you play together: stick to the rules, no excuses or criticizing, play to the end, congratulate the winner. And deliberately allow yourself to lose sometimes so you can show how to lose gracefully.

Tuning up good sportsmanship is about how to help our kids play the game called life -- and how to play it well. We must replace a poor losing attitude with those glorious old homespun values of fairness and forgiveness. So roll up your sleeves, and let the attitude makeover begin.

well it sounds pretty good. I like the whole, giving other players compliments when they make a nice shot or something because I have never done that in the past. I usually just say CHEATER! or something. yeah I know I really have to get crack'n.

on to my weight loss. I weighed myself today and was 193.5! damn man I was 205 last month. this eating 5-6 times a day is so great I think that I will just eat like this for the rest of my life. the only problem is that this is working out a little tooo good for me if you know what I mean. every time something good happens to me something bad will happen at the same time so I need to watch out.

also I was playing lockdown a little bit more today and realised that it wasn't so bad. the thing is that the game is so much more realistic then the last. also you get a heartbeat sensor function like in the previous RS games for the computer. it's fun because you can use your HBS to see through the WOODEN doors and shoot people through them, haha. you can't shoot people through metal doors but you can see people through walls, desks ect.

anyways I'm going to try and get xbox live set up tonight so that I have something to do all week besides waste my time on this stupid freakin computer. oh and btw Counter Strike works on Joannas computer! It's a tad choppy. I mean like 1/2 a second but still I did not expect it to even come close to working. So from now on when I go to Joannas house I will have a bunch of stuff todo.

sick =(

2005-09-30T23:52:00.000-07:00

I've been very sick over the last few days and I still am so I'm going to just get straight to the point. I'm at my girlfriends house and I'm just relaxing. I feel really good right now for some reason which is wierd because I've felt kind of crappy all week.

1. RainbowSix:Lockdown - I was at blockbuster brosing around when I just happened to stumble upon GTA:SA. It looked so tempting so I grabbed it and said 8 dollars or not I WANT TO PLAY THIS!!! so I'm at the counter getting ready to rent it when I see RS:LD. I was so torn between the two but since I had already played GTA:SA a few times already I didn't want to pass up on this opprotunity. I got to admit it, the game isn't all that exciting. Maybe it's because it's so differant from RS3 and I just haven't gotten used to it. I'll play it untill it's due back and give it a better chance when I can play it at home...ALONE.

psh it's to bad I'm not home right now because there is a couple of games that I've been playing lately that maybe you should give a try. I don't remember all the links and stuff but I'll give it a shot.

the first is a game called frvade. it's pretty much a puzzle game that's ridiculously hard. people seem to think that this guy is a genious for creating some of these puzzles but I think that most of them are pretty unfair. ugh...it's just to hard to explain. try it for yourself at:

www. frvade.com

sidenote: anyone who gets caught up in these types of things and can't stop untill the finish something don't bother. I wouldn't want anyone else getting trapped like I did. haha it drives you crazy!

the next game is a really old 2d shooter called subspace. you fly around with ships and shoot people in space. there are six ships in all I think and each has their pros and cons. It's actually quite addictive for such an old game. I really don't know to much about it but it turns out I'm pretty good at the game so give it a shot.

sidenote: subspace is a good game for peopel with 56k and old computers. http://beginners.subspace.net/ is the link. I think it is atleast...I'm updating CS with this pos 56k connection so I can't go to any other sites while it is still updating. I'll check later and correct it if it's wrong though.

another game I'm playing for the 1,000 time is GTA: Vice City. I am beggining to release that it is one of the most enjoying games I've ever played in my life. I can just drive around and look at all the beautiful places, listen to the hilarious radio stations or just go around killing whoever I feel like. honestly I can play this game for hours on end and never get bored. I tip my hat to rockstar for making this one.

enough with the games, I'll get into more important things in my life. well for one I lost like 5 pounds. this eating 5-6 times aday thing with small portions is so good. not only am I never hungry, I never get stuffed and I'm loosing weight.

I got 2 weeks off of school! yeah I guess it's ok but I know I'm just going to end up being bored and staying on the internet the whole time. The only thing I can think to do is hook my friends xbox up to my cable modem and play lockdown all week. I know it doesn't sound like much but if you knew how long I been playing Tom Clancy games you would understand. damn...this means I will need to by an xbox live kit or something. oh well, I'll think of something.

finally I completed everything at Best Buy. all 3 interviews, background check and drug test. now the next stage is going in on a saturday for a freakin 5 hour training video or something like that. OMG how boring is that going to be??? it does take a lot of time and effort to get into Best Buy but hopefully in the end it will have been worth it.

damn my eyes really hurt. my girlfriends comp is all bright pink and far away so I have to strain my eyes to see the screen. I'm going to go relax, pz.

I'm so bored and I feel like I have so much to do...

2005-09-27T20:44:00.000-07:00

it's strange that I feel like jumping out the window because I have nothing to do tonight yet at the same time I feel like there is a million things I should be doing or have to do. it's the dumbest cross between to feelings I've ever experianced. I hope writing about it might make it go away a little but probably not. I was just talking to my friend and explaining to him what the problem was.

(23:41:48) chris: phil, i'm so bored
(23:41:59) chris: this has to be the most boring day of mylif
(23:42:01) chris: e
(23:43:51) phill: why?
(23:44:01) phill: here
(23:45:46) chris: dunno I'm having this strange paradox of emotions
(23:46:10) chris: I feel more bored than anything yet at the same time I feel like there are hundrends of things I need to do/try/create
(23:46:28) chris: my mind won't slow down enough to focus on just one thing though

that's the perfect way to explain what I am feeling right now. a million things zooming through my mind and I'm sitting there trying to catch one of them but they just go by to fast. hmm I wonder if I have ADHD or OCD. Attention Deficit Hyper-active Disorder; which is basically something that makes it hard for people to focus and gives them short attention spans. uhmm...what was I saying? oh now I remember, OCD. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder; which is where a thought (usually a bad one someone doesn't want to have in there head in the first place) get's stuck in someones head and the person keeps on focusing on it so much that it drives them crazy. it doesn't have to be a thought, it can be a sound or event aswell. I'm not a 100% sure about anything right now so don't quote me on any of this. I also have been feeling a little under the weather with a sore throat, a lightheaded feeling and slight aches.

many of the thoughts going through my head are about writing, drawing, designing or making something. it's like I know I can draw a picture of anything or design any type of website but which one? I don't have anything that really has got my attention right now. so how am I going to write up a website or put time and effort into something I don't really like to begin with? yeah yeah I know I been trying to get that Outwars game off it's feet but I screwed up that site for 1 and have to wait for my friend to fix it. 2 I don't want to waste a great deal of time on it because I have a feeling that eventually it will just fold again.

another thing that is bothering me is that I'm already slacking off on my homework. the PIG & Economics course that I'm taking is strictly @home work. like I said yesterday I have to talk to my guidence councler about it tommorow.

"how was the interview chris?" oh ty, I didn't think you cared! well it was pretty much the same thing as the 2nd interview which was some guy asking me a whole bunch of questions. I got along with this guy a lot better though. he seemed to be a pretty cool guy. I got the job definatly! all I have to do now is take my drug test (which I automatically passed because I haven't done anything since I was around 14, lol) and get my background check done with and then that's it. after that I can start working. finally...

alright I think what I should do now is put a little bit of work into my personal webpage which I want to get up eventually. later all.

no subject this time

2005-09-27T01:07:00.000-07:00

I dunno I just feel like talking about random things right now. I had art class today which, as always, was fun. I also went to the play counter strike with my friend. It was also fun but we got our asses kicked, lol. I had a regular day so to speak. I've been thinking a lot lately and I might want to come up with some type of short story or something. I got like a billion ideas up in my head but no where near enough time to accomplish everything. today I came up with this little tutorial for outwars. well it's not really a tutorial but it's a video which shows the circle strafe. the circle strafe is a move in outwars that most people have a hard time learning. I figured either way, if people play the game or not, I can eventually gain something from this experiance.

http://outwars.org/cst.wmv

sidenote: all the work I've put into the Outwars Project lately hasn't been my best. I care about Outwars but at the same time I don't care enough to put tons of effort into it. just letting you know that most of the things you see from me on Outwars are done half-ass.

here is a header I made a few months ago when I had first started my forums for outwars. I think it looks pretty good.

http://outwars.org/mofheader.jpg

and here is a picture I took at Joanna's cousins wedding a few months ago. the size is 1024x768 if you would like to use it as a wallpaper that's fine with me. I think that this photo is quite beautiful.

http://outwars.org/wallpaper1024x768.jpg

I'm a little upset because I didn't complete my assignments for PIG & economics. to be honest with you I don't really get the whole subject anyways so maybe if I go talk to the quidence councler she will help me with it. It's not that I don't understand the work, it's just that I don't know exactly what the teacher wants me to do.

oh well, back to art class. I showed my teacher the vector art wallpaper I did for neverside and she really liked it. she wanted me to sign it so she could keep it incase I become famous one day(lmao). anyways some kid cut himself and got blood on it so now I have to print her out another one. after all that happened we began to learn how to draw proportionized faces. I think the one I drew came out pretty good but then again I'm not expert. finally the teacher asked the only other person in the class actually interested in art if there was a project she would like to do. the girl said anime. I guess this could be pretty cool so if anything I want to do cloud/sephiroth from final fantasy 7 or some hot anime chick as my character.

I have my final job interview at best buy tommorow at 1 30pm. I'm not really nervous about it at all for some reason. I do hope that I get it though because I really need to get crackin on saving up for christmas presents. I promised Joanna I would get her something really nice and she really deserves it. lmao, I guess I want the job more for her than my self now that I think about it. psh I think either way I will be happy. I love electronics so best buy would be perfect for me. If I don't get it then it just wasn't meant to be.

ok I'm going to sleep now, If I think of anything else to write up I will get back on it. btw here is the wallpaper I made for neverside:

http://studio.neverside.com/download/230/wallpaper2.jpg

EDIT: lol i'm back I almost forgot, I've downloaded a few new programs that I must share with you.

VLC media player: it's a lightweight video/audio player that reads almost any type of format you throw at it. download here

warez p2p: this is a thousand times smaller and better than limewire, trust me! download here

sysMETRIX: this is basically a program that shows all of your system statistics/weather/email/time/date and so much more right on your desktop! I really like it. download here

wasted youth

2005-09-26T02:08:00.000-07:00

after that bit about outwars and a little chat with my friend I've become slightly depressed about the fact that I've wasted about 4 full years worth of my life on the computer. 3-3.5 years has been wasted on video games and bullshit. I look back on it all now and it is so depressing and I know that there is nothing I can do about it. I can't go back and change time to create a better childhood that doesn't consist of avid computer/video game use. here is a priceless quote from my good friend lonny:

(05:09:53) lonny: ill tell you whats depressing dude,when i launch outwars by myself and fly around anub and no one is there so i just shoot shit and toss mines.......thats fuckin depressing.....lol
(05:10:08) chris: lmfaoooo

omg I couldn't stop laughing when he said that. still it is depressing when there are kids like me who stay around all night and play video games and waste away infront a computer screen all night. I don't waste away and play video games anymore, I just sit on the computer and try to learn new things, programs, languages or develope my art skills. I just hope that eventually it will all add up to something and that I won't get hit by a car tommorow and know that my pretty much my entire life was wasted in virtual reality. I would have wished I would have done the right thing, spent time with loved ones and done the things I was too afraid to do.

what can I do now? can I leave the computer world forever and say that I only wasted a bit of my life on here, I can get past this and enjoy the rest of my life, don't come on the computer as much but don't just throw away the 4-5 years you've put into it already or don't change at all and hope that I can be happy with the life that I've chosen in the end?

I don't know what I will choose in the end but this is something I definatly need to think about because it is really upsetting me thinking of all this time I've wasted I could have been doing bigger and better things. anyways it's time to wake up joanna, peace.

outwars

2005-09-26T01:25:00.000-07:00

ok so I am really tired and should probably wait till tommorow to post this up but I can't. I used to play this game called Outwars which was created back in 1998. it started out with about 2-300 people playing I think. now it has around 2-3, lmao. sadly I am one of those few who still play. if the game wasn't so fun and I didn't have this feeling that drove me to help this sad and lonely game throughout the years then I would just move on. there is nothing I can do really, I'm a smart guy but trying to get people to play a 7 year old game which hardly anyone plays anymore is extemely difficult.

i'm not really sure what I want. eventually I know the game will die and we (the loyal followers) will just have to accept that. so why? why do we keep trying month after month year after year to try and bring back this dead game? well obviously it must be a pretty good fricken game then! or we are just stupid. either way I would just like even for a few months for this game to be something more then a lonely distant memory of when it used to be popular.

a few months back I created a forums to get all of the old players back and see how things would progress. it was going so good and there was such high hopes. then someone decided to make a PHP site which they wanted me to run and shut down my forums. It was a great upgrade but it never really caught on like the forums did. we had over 40 members and about 400 posts or something like that. It was so upsetting to see it all come down.

anyways a few nights ago an old friend from outwars msg's me and asked me if Outwars was still happening. I told him I think it was dead but if he wanted to I would help him try to bring it back again. that's just what happens with Outwars I guess. a few guys put in a lot of work to get it going and then it dies after a few months. ugh well I swear this is the last time I give it a shot. no more BS. I will try my hardest. maybe I can even put this down somewhere in the future for a job thingy or something. nahhh doubt it, lol.

so here we are down to big question; do you want to play Outwars with us? really? that's great! click on the link to the side that says outwars.org on it to get directed to the main site. there you will get a bit of information on the game and be able to Download it.

if you're having problems with it I will write up a few pages that I feel will help you out.

here is the first one I wrote up a little while ago:
www.outwars.org/di.html

the feast

2005-09-24T21:50:00.000-07:00

I'm pissed. first off for the last 2 weeks I been doing so well with my diet, I lost 7 pounds, then this weekend I come to my girlfriends house and it all turns to shit. I was so bored and there was nothing healthy to eat. I don't have my bike, I have no money and I've never been so helpless in my life. oh well. what can I do? as soon as I get home tommorow I'm going to get back on track. that's the only thing I can do really. if I sit here and dwell on it for the rest of my life I won't lose anything.

the worst part of being at my girlfriends house is that she has 56k(which is AOL for all you non computer-savy people). Also her moniter is like 505453 feet away from where I'm sitting so I need a pair of binoculars to see the screen. psssh I know what your thinking, I'm at my girlfriends house I should be spending time with her and not be on the computer anyways. HAH! let's see when you're with your partner everyday for 8 months straight. lol anyways I just need to get all of this out and to tell you the truth I'm starting to feel better already.

my girlfriends family and I went into the city today for the San Genero feast. we had a really good time I must admit. although I did eat a bit more then I should have I enjoyed myself. I don't remember the names of the places we ate at because it was just sooooo crowded. a lot of Italians where there which was really good to see(because I am Italian). I would have liked to take some pictures for memory purposes but I didn't have a camera. oh well, me and Joannas brother almost got into a little "beef" with these 2 kids on our way back to the car. I think some kid barked at her mom but I didn't hear it to be honest. I was staring at one of the kids and all I heard him say was "it wasn't me, it was him" lmao and he points to his friend. ah what are friends for?

so tommorow I go home. all together I have to say this was a good weekend. If it wasn't for the fact that I had gained 2 pounds back I would have really enjoyed myself. people just have to take the good with the bad sometimes. I still didn't do any of my homework which was supposed to be done by now. psh, when it comes to homework I'm so lazy. Best Buy called me back with a date for my 3rd interview with the general manager(which is good news for me). I saw Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children. It was the japanese version with no subtitles so I really didn't understand what was going on half the time. with that said...It was by fair the best CG movie I've ever seen and possibly one of the best MOVIES period. I was a huge ff7 fan so my opinion might be a little biased but still...imagine if I actually knew what was going on? lol.

time for bed, I'm really tired. goodnight!

I have something to say for once without feeling desperate to type it out before I forget it, lol!

2005-09-21T19:18:00.000-07:00

I'd like to start off with a reminder to myself that I wrote up an article for neverside entitled "the land of the lazy, depressed and obese". I wanted to post it on here but one of the staff members informed me that I have to let the article get published on neverside before I post it anywhere else. If it doesn't get published then there will be no problems but I still have to wait. so as soon as I find out either way I will post it up here. hopefull it does get published though because that would be great news for me *crosses fingers*.

today in my studio art class we we're drawing some crap when the teacher asked us if we had any ideas on what to do for a project. I was in the mood to do some vector art so I told her about. she didn't know what it was at first so I took her to the neverside site and showed her what I was talking about. we ended up spending the rest of the day making some pretty cool vectors, lol. It turned out to be a really fun day/experiance.

a new friend I've made from neverside(conceptualmind)told me about the neverside chatroom yesterday. Uh oh...something else to keep me up all night. I wasn't even going to bother at first untill I noticed that I could connect through gAIM. I like to stay organized and having a stray messenger would have just ate at me to the point of ripping my hair out. anyways I'm surrounded by a whole bunch of people who know a whole bunch of stuff now. It's a lot of fun talking to the people in the neverside chatroom, I enjoy myself. if you want to come hang with some of us and don't know hot to use mIRC or connect mIRC with gAIM contact me and I will help you get set up. if you already know what your doing and want to talk then come on in (irc.neverside.net) (#central).

how did my interview go? oh thanks I almost forgot. the "2nd" interview went well. what is this a "2nd interview" you say? yeah it turns out there are 3 interviews. the first is the online application you fill out with the questionnaire. the second is a face to face interview with some random guy named jose. and if you make it to the point that I'm at you get a 3rd interview with the general manager. unless there is something I don't know if you make it past that you're hired. well if you're happy for me then thank you sooo much. If not I don't blame you I dunno if I even got the job yet!

I'm feeling kind of tired so I'm just going to try and relax for the rest of the night. untill next time...

A little bit to much on my plate...

2005-09-20T17:27:00.000-07:00

first off I want to tell you how my job situation is going. I got 3 opprotunities to get a job.

1. best buy called me in for an interview which I have tommorow
2. I have a connection with someone at blockbuster
3. I have a friend who is a manager at friendlys

any of these places could be possible sources of employment for me in the the future.

secondly I got to mention how the rest of my classes went. spanish was horrible. It felt like 6 hours instead of 2 1/2. omg I wanted to kill myself. anyways there is nothing bad going on in these classes that would make me not want to go so that's goood. I do think that i may have added a little bit to much onto my plate though.

here is what I have to do.

1. 2 gyms & health
2. studio art
3. spanish 1 & 2. ( a problem arose ) I was supposed to do spanish one and two in the same class and the teacher would just give me extra work for spanish 2 so I wouldn't have to take another class. Now she split the days up so that spanish 1 goes in on tuesdays and not thursdays. so now not only do I have to extra work for spanish 2, instead of going to class on thursday we get a shit load of extra work piled on top. now I have work for spanish 1 & 2 and only one class....omg this is going to suck.
4. PIG & economics

see what I'm saying? It's hard because this is like mostly take home work. It takes a lot of willpower to do your work instead of messing around and playing on the computer or w/e.

I got one thing that will help me out though and clear up a lot of crap. It's my secret plan I like to call the GYM PROJECT. lol I know it's corny but hey whatever works for me. anyways I did the math. I have to fill out 4 gym sheets a week (due to the 2 gyms). so what I'm going to do is write up 8 sheets and print them out 4 times each. that will take up the 2 months. hahaha now I only have to do 1/4 of the work. lol it's nothing great but it will help me out in the end because I have way to much stuff on my shoulders already.

now tommorow I got the interview at best buy with some guy named jose. It's at 1 30 which means I will have to get up around 12pm. which is like a normal person waking up at 5am. anyways I'm pretty excited at that because I love technology and everything about it. I'm not really worried weither I get the job or not so that's a good sign. when you don't care about something you usually do better because it takes the edge off.

the 3dmax program and ISO thing I told you I would explain yesterday would have to wait. I found out that burning an ISO kind of means burning an IMAGE of the disk. the reason you would want to do this is because new discs have things on them now that won't allow you to burn them directly anymore. something along those lines. anyways I can't really be worried about some program right now when I have school, work and excersize to be worried about if you know what I mean.

finally the last thing I want to talk to you about is the router. a router is something that allows you to connect multiple devices to the internet at one time. why would you need to have anything besides your computer hooked up at the same time for??? well one I have an xbox(well not really, it's my friends lol), my labtop and I eventually want to get a computer. It would be nice if I could hook everything up and have like my own little game room.

that's it for now. I may write another article for neverside. one that is planned out and long. lol anyways till next time.

rant #1

2005-09-20T03:12:00.000-07:00

being alone
by Chris Grame

I'm sitting here, it's nearly dawn and I keep thinking about life and no matter how many people I surround myself with I am ultimatly alone. It's hard to face the fact that this is a lonely world. We all die alone in the end. I love my girlfriend more than anything in my life and I want to say that I have comfort in knowing that I have her...but that would just be a lie. It's almost more of a burdon knowing that it's possible to lose that person that helps you keep your sanity. Is it just better to be alone so you don't have to deal with being alone AND hurt in the end? I'm not really sure what to think about all of this right now. I get extremely confused when I think about life, relationships and being alone. It's the reason we're here isn't it? To pro-create. I think maybe we got love mixed up. The human race was once very primitive. I believe "love" was something that attracted you to a mate that allowed you to have sex with them and then that's it. After a while it just evolved into something bigger and more powerful. Who knows? All that I know is I can't live without the girl I love yet sometimes It can make you wonder what could I possibly do if something were to happen to the one I love? I think I finally realised that my biggest fear is being alone...I love you Joanna.

back 2 school!!! again...

2005-09-19T21:33:00.000-07:00

today was my first day going back to school. what a day, let me tell you. first off I was on about 4 hours of sleep. I felt like shit all day pretty much and I was so tired. I had to get in touch with the lady from best buy who called me about the job interview(which I'll get to later) and deal with other personal problems. my class for mondays and wensdays is studio art. I'm happy about having this class because I get to learn the basics of art. colors, shapes, shading ect. I was thinking that it was going to be a typical art class where you learn a lot of pointless information and w/e but it turns out that my teacher is extremely cool. I had a talk with her and she told me she used to mess around with computers a lot which pretty much makes her my new best friend! lol nah but I was shocked to find out she was into graphic design. well she asked the class if there was anything outside of the curriculum that we would like to learn. I want to do photography so hopefully she will be down for that. also 3d, advertising and anything to help my future designing career progress. so everything seems to be going good with that class but I got a whole load of work coming towards me and it isn't going to be pretty.

1. studio art ( 1 credit )
2. spanish 1 & 2 ( 2 credits)
3. pig & economics ( 1 credit )
4. 2 gyms( 1 credit )
5. health ( 1/2 credit )

my teacher mentioned a common 3d program to me called 3d studio max. I've been aware of this program for a long time but never really had the urge to try it out. now that she pretty much gave me some inspiration to learn more and try new things I've acquired the program and can't wait to get started making some 3d animations.

oh boy there is so much I want to say right now but I am just so freakin tired I can't stay up any longer. well that's a lie but I can't write anymore because of the face that I'm in the middle of watching hitch hikers guide to the galaxy and I want to go get a power bar at 7 11.

some things to do on the next post:

1. explain about the job situation.
2. learn how to burn ISO's( don't worry I don't even know what they are, YET! )
3. tell you about my new found love for music.
4. tell you if I got the job at best buy.
5. tell you how the rest of my classes are.
6. tell you about anything else that has been happening in my life.

so much stuff to write SO MUCH TIME TO DO IT!

2005-09-18T23:39:00.000-07:00

ok so it's been a few days but that's not my fault and I'll tell you why it's not my fault right now. TWICE someone closed my browser while I had the post written up and deleted it. see can't blame me. I need to organize what I want to talk about before I write this because it's almost 3am and I just got back from a very exhausting bike ride.

1. styles xp
2. rainlender
3. I told you so!
4. THE TRAILER

1.PERFECT! now that I've gotten that done I can begin to tell you what styles XP is. styles XP is like a sick spoiler, tints, rims, vinyls and a bumpin sound system but for your operating system. let me explain what I mean. you download styles xp and install it. after you do that you go back to the website and look through all of the differant themes that they have, download one and install it. it changes your start menu, icons, arrows, colors and pretty much everything on your computer(style wise of course). sounds hot right? I knew you would love it. want links? np!

styles xp download

theme downloads

2.on to rainlender. this is a program which acts maily as a PDA for your desktop. I saw somebodys desktop while browsing through neversides forums (which incendentally is where I found out about styles xp) and noticed that they had a clock and calander on their desktop. I became enticed immediatly. a friend of mine later told me about this program rainlender. I was a little unhappy when I first downloaded it because it didn't have a clock but while searching for skins I saw one that came with a digital clock. with it's to do lists, lovely skins, small download time and great organization functions I'd say if you need to stay organized download this program.

rainlender download

for rainlender skins and whatever other skins you might need visit www.customize.org

3.again as I was browsing through the neverside forums (as I tend to do lately) I came across an article about an online magazine called the neversidian. the article was requesting that people write articles for the neversidian and I just had to write something. I love the site and would like to help out in anyway that I can. I was remembering last night when me and my girlfriend were talking and she said how she hated how I give her advice like I know everything. well I guess she was right and it kind of got me thinking. in the end my article ended up being about people giving other people advice.

here is the article I wrote:

Everybody always thinks that what they have to say is gold. They think that the advice they give somebody will be better then the last persons. This infact is not true at all. Most of the time when people ask for advice they don't even pay attention to what your telling them. That is just the way things are. If YOUR not ready to do something then it doesn't matter what kind of advice you get; you're not going to do it.

No, it's not always that way. Sometimes we get ready to do something and have no idea on how to go about it. The thing is we ARE ready to do it and just need help on how to go about it. Most likely if you're ready to do it, respect the person telling you and have a pair of ears you will listen to what the person has to say to you. Otherwise you shouldn't waste their time or your own.

So why do we do it? Why do we ask for advice to do something we know were not dedicated enough to do at that time in our lives? Do we feel that there is a possibility that this person can say something to us right now that will inspire us to do what we need to do? Do we feel that if we ask enough people someone will eventually tell us the RIGHT thing to do? No no, there is no RIGHT or WRONGs in advice, just good advice and bad advice.

We get advice all the time, even when we don't ask for it. If we take it and the person who told you was wrong then oh well you know to go to them anymore. If they are right whether you take it or not you will still have to hear them say " I told you so!"

not bad? oh well, not really my subject matter but I wasn't sure exactly what they were looking to see, they just said you could write about anything...so that's what I did.

4.onto the last, final and most exciting thing in this post! I know most of you are going to be like "wow..." but it doesn't matter because this is MY blog. lol, anyways check out the final trailer of Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire here.

my personal website

2005-09-17T00:26:00.000-07:00

as much as I enjoy writing everything about my plans, life and other things I would like to create a personal website to display my work and show off my talent...hah. well I started off very well with a lovely autumn photo and a wonderful color scheme but unfortunatly that problem with perfection I have is starting to get to me. I'm having some doubts about the site now so I'm going to get some advice from some professionals that I know and see if it is on the right track. here is the header I want to use:

what do you think? I love it. it reminds me of pennsylvania in autumn/winter with the beautiful colors, trees, mountains and fresh clean air. anyways that's the theme I'm going to go for.

enough about that; on to more serious matters. like what you ask? like the HEADPHONES I BOUGHT TODAY! lol no, not important but they are very nice headphones. unfortunatly for me, in the weeee hours of the morning I must have stepped on my old pair of headphones. *SNAP* pshh, oh well. the pair I bought is the big DJ kind that covers your entire ear. the ear peice turns the other way incase one of my buddies wants to listen in on the song and most importantly it has noise reduction. so now when people are listening to something I don't want to hear in the car I turn these bad boys on and almost no matter how loud the music is it just blocks it out. pretty cool eh?

that's it for now. I do got two things I would like to share with you though.

1. a picture of my headphones:

(noise cancellation headphone HP/NC-II) made by: Maxell

2. this very beautiful song: ATB - The Autumn Leaves

losing weight

2005-09-15T23:47:00.000-07:00

here is what has been going on everyday for me pretty much:

1st - wake up, eat, go on the computer for a little bit and just lollygag for a bit.
2nd - work out, and watch some seinfeld at the same time.
3rd - go for a brisk bike ride to walbaums and buy dinner for the night.
4th - cook, eat, go on the computer for a little bit more.
last - go for another bike ride to 7 11, get crackers or something healthy, come home, eat and watch seinfeld.

I've lost about 3 or 4 pounds doing this so I guess it's working out pretty well and the good thing is I'm not inconvenienced by this healthy schedule. I actually enjoy living like this...well actually I would like to get a job and start school. I dunno if I will still be able to handle that same schedule when school starts...but I probably will. the one thing that might be challenging is if I get a job because then it would be work-school-bikeride-eat-homework-sleep. if I can manage that, GREAT! but that's going to be something I really have to work at.

on a smaller note I've really been getting into music lately. I've always enjoyed music before but never really needed to be listening to music like right now at this very moment...lol. anyways I was looking for burning software and music players for my labtop. I came across some interesting programs. As most of my friends and family or whoever I that is reading this might already know I have a very slow labtop; so i'm always looking for compact, light and easy programs to use. the first programs I came aross was iTunes. I got to admit I really enjoyed iTunes with it's insane equalizer, easy burning feature and music organizer. BUT it was just to big and didn't load at the speed I wanted it to. then I wasn't so sure if I should switch from windows media player in the first place. windows media player, jukebox, quicktime and realplayer are all default players on your computer just so you know. finally I came across this little program called winamp. it was only 1mb for the light version (which as you know is the way to go for me). It didn't include any of the great features the program has but oh well. I'm very happy with it and even thought my version didn't include a burning or ripping feature I found a free burning software which works great for me and I'm happy with it.

Free burning software that I use: http://www.burn4free.com/

gAIM

2005-09-14T17:50:00.000-07:00

my whole plan to start using gtalk and forget about aim, yahoo and msn was kinda squashed the other day when I discovered a new and awesome program called gAIM. now I've used programs like this before; for example Trillian but it has nothing on gAIM. for one gAIM is a lot lighter then Trillian and works better for my labtop. also you can connect a lot more messagers at once then Trillian which includes aim, yahoo, msn, irc and many others. you can recieve notifications when you get an email to one of your accounts, it's more compact, stylish and simple all at the same time. I'm still going to use gtalk but being that all the people I've invited to use it are having a problem getting it to work it's not worth it right now. anyways here are all my contacts.

aim: chris is cruel@aim.com
msn: imsoillitzsick@hotmail.com
yahoo: psykotikz@yahoo.com
gtalk: cgrame@gmail.com

also I will eventually try and have all my emails automatically fowarded to my main email address which is cgrame@gmail.com. well that's all there is to say for now and I hope you enjoy the new photo sharing program I've added called flickr by yahoo to the right.

judo class

2005-09-13T18:16:00.000-07:00

I used to go to a judo class twice a week. there was a whole bunch of people there that I really liked and that were really nice to me. eventually I started smoking and hanging out with my friends; which in turn led to my being lazy and quitting. that was 2 years ago. I honestly can't remember any time looking back on the period I went to judo and feel anything but regret for stopping. so today I go on a long bike ride and started reminiscing. so I visited a few old places and saw some things that made me a little sad but I was getting tired so I started heading back up grand ave. when I just got the idea to stop by my old judo class and see if it was still in buisness. well when I got there and looked in not only was it in buisness but my sensei was sitting right there. he didn't recognize me at first but he did after a few seconds. anyways we talked, he told me that it was 180 for 3 months and 60 for the clothing. for the first time I know what I really want...which is to go back to judo class and pick up where I left off.

it's great that I may start judo again but there is already so many things in my life that I need to fix. the major thing I need more than anything else is a JOB. I feel that my girlfriend and her family are starting to see me as a bum and I'm never going to be happy being seen that way. the only problem is the time I go to sleep is usually when everyone else is waking up. also I'm starting night school next week which is 5pm-8:15pm. considering I wake up around 2-2:30 it doesn't really leave me a lot of time to work. I'm at a point right now where my life is going to change...I don't know when or how...all that I know is it is changing. the only thing I can do is make sure that it changes for the better. maybe I have to many things on my plate right now but I know that I can handle them and that's all the matters right now.

my list of things to do:

1. find a job.
2. lose 25 pounds.
3. have a scheduled work-out routine.
4. take the 5-hour course; then take my road test.
5. save up 240 dollars to start judo lessons.
6. get a normal sleep schedule going.
7. do well in school this term (get all 6 credits); graduate high school.
8. finish my list of things to do before I turn 19.

my smaller list of things to do:
(meaning less serious)

1. complete my personal website.
2. learn more about coding(html, xml, css, php ect.) programs (flash mx 2005, photoshop 7) and get better at webdesign in general.
3. create an online photo album which can link to my personal website.
4. organize my online my online life.
-organize all my pictures.
-organize my emails and IMs.
-link them all together somehow.
5. create a website for my Counter-Strike team (wk4f).
6. clean up computer.
7. get all my friends to use gtalk.
8. maybe start a little command & conquer / red alert team.

well that's it for now...I'm sure there are tons of other things I would put on my lists but I simply cannot write anymore. also I would have liked to put a list of things I want to get/buy but that's a whole nother post in itself lol.

the first blog

2005-09-11T06:34:00.000-07:00

it's 6:31am, I should really be going to sleep considering I have to go to my grandmas with joanna tommorow err..today. it's ok, i've dealt with more pressing matters on hardly any sleep. I felt like getting organized today for some reason...i'm sticking with mozilla software & google services from now on; they seem to be the most reliable and work best for me. anyways I got to hurry up and continue getting organized so I can squeeze a few hours of sleep in.