Christopher Grame

it's strange that I feel like jumping out the window because I have nothing to do tonight yet at the same time I feel like there is a million things I should be doing or have to do. it's the dumbest cross between to feelings I've ever experianced. I hope writing about it might make it go away a little but probably not. I was just talking to my friend and explaining to him what the problem was.

(23:41:48) chris: phil, i'm so bored
(23:41:59) chris: this has to be the most boring day of mylif
(23:42:01) chris: e
(23:43:51) phill: why?
(23:44:01) phill: here
(23:45:46) chris: dunno I'm having this strange paradox of emotions
(23:46:10) chris: I feel more bored than anything yet at the same time I feel like there are hundrends of things I need to do/try/create
(23:46:28) chris: my mind won't slow down enough to focus on just one thing though

that's the perfect way to explain what I am feeling right now. a million things zooming through my mind and I'm sitting there trying to catch one of them but they just go by to fast. hmm I wonder if I have ADHD or OCD. Attention Deficit Hyper-active Disorder; which is basically something that makes it hard for people to focus and gives them short attention spans. uhmm...what was I saying? oh now I remember, OCD. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder; which is where a thought (usually a bad one someone doesn't want to have in there head in the first place) get's stuck in someones head and the person keeps on focusing on it so much that it drives them crazy. it doesn't have to be a thought, it can be a sound or event aswell. I'm not a 100% sure about anything right now so don't quote me on any of this. I also have been feeling a little under the weather with a sore throat, a lightheaded feeling and slight aches.

many of the thoughts going through my head are about writing, drawing, designing or making something. it's like I know I can draw a picture of anything or design any type of website but which one? I don't have anything that really has got my attention right now. so how am I going to write up a website or put time and effort into something I don't really like to begin with? yeah yeah I know I been trying to get that Outwars game off it's feet but I screwed up that site for 1 and have to wait for my friend to fix it. 2 I don't want to waste a great deal of time on it because I have a feeling that eventually it will just fold again.

another thing that is bothering me is that I'm already slacking off on my homework. the PIG & Economics course that I'm taking is strictly @home work. like I said yesterday I have to talk to my guidence councler about it tommorow.

"how was the interview chris?" oh ty, I didn't think you cared! well it was pretty much the same thing as the 2nd interview which was some guy asking me a whole bunch of questions. I got along with this guy a lot better though. he seemed to be a pretty cool guy. I got the job definatly! all I have to do now is take my drug test (which I automatically passed because I haven't done anything since I was around 14, lol) and get my background check done with and then that's it. after that I can start working. finally...

alright I think what I should do now is put a little bit of work into my personal webpage which I want to get up eventually. later all.